Monday March 15 2010 6:30am

Anaya and I Have been awake since 4 am this morning. For some reason she is very phlemmy. I am becoming used to getting up this early. Thank God for the time change, yesterday she was up at 3 am. It is so awful to hear her gurgling, and i wonder if the single piece of Pizza I ate might be responsible. It can be difficult to not over think everything that I do that might be affecting her.

After an hour of crying / whining I gave her a tiny bit of honey on my finger, the phlem dissapeared and she has fallen asleep. She looks so beautiful and delicate. The soft plastic tube coming from her nose across her face and behind her ear does not diminish how lovely she is. It's worth losing sleep over. I can't know how many hours, days or years I get to love this little darling but I plan on enjoying every moment of it. I feel so much overwhelming gratitude to everyone who is helping us out. The breastmilk is a huge deal. The baby formula was worsening her condition. I understand that pumping milk and expressing can be no fun. I know because I do it 5 times a day. The fact that mamas are doing this to help my baby brings tears to my eyes. Thank you with my whole heart. I'm certain that Anaya is gaining weight this week.