Monday, November 14, 2011

Rainbow Day

Yesterday was rainbow day.  Why? You may ask.  Because Anaya crossed over the rainbow bridge, became one with everything and is with God and the Angels.

Three days before I had my very first dream of her dying.  The very first one.  I was so confused in my dream because I couldn't figure out when it had happened or why I couldn't remember it.  The next morning I met a woman who had just lost her baby girl Payton a few weeks before.  I spent a whole day with her.  This wasn't coincidence.  This was the universe and God preparing me for what was coming.  I can see it now, perfectly orchestrated.  God sent me my dream to make my fears real and God sent Cortney to assure me that I could live through it when the time came.

I held my little love for hours while she was on life support.  I kissed her face, her fingers, her toes, her lips.  I wiped her tears from her eyes.  I couldn't stand forcing her to stay.  I wanted to set her free. The hardest part was waiting for everyone to get there.  When the family was united we made the decision unanamoisly.  We removed her bi pap mask.

She was so relieved she gave one of her "Thank you" sighs.  We each took turns holding her.  The mask came off at 12 noon.  We gave her a bath - her favorite thing!  Her sister read her a book.  I played with her hair.  Daddy played with her toes.  As her breathing became more laboured we knew the time was drawing near.  I lay down on the bed and placed her in her favorite spot over my heart.  There became long pauses in her breathing.  Then she would gasp a huge awful breath and let it out in a long sigh.

I love you mama
I did my best mama


I told her how proud I was of her.  How many lives she touched.  How many babies she is saving.  How many parents love their children even more  because of her. I told her she needed to go.  To stop fighting and allow herself to be carried away by the light. I told her I was sorry I didn't get her to the sunshine.  I opened my heart as wide as I could and envisioned the sunshine of my soul enveloping her and keeping her warm.  She took her last deep breath and let out the most beautiful baby sigh I ever heard.  There was no pain in it. It was the sound of freedom, relief, joy.  It was the sound of my baby crossing the rainbow bridge.  Her heart stopped and she was gone.

We were all huddled in the hospital bed, holding her beautiful body.  Kissing her soft skin for the last time.  Touching her hair, her cheeks.  I kissed and kissed and cried.  All the strength that had infused me during the two hours of the death struggle left me and I collapsed into my agony.  The tears poured down my face and I sobbed.  I gently cut a braid of her hair that I will always keep to remember her strength, her bravery and her incredible softness.

Oh my baby.  Oh my baby.  I'm going to miss you...

Please give me the strength to carry on and do what I have to do.

Dear Readers:
We are planning on online memorial service that will be streamed and it will also be re-playable so you won't have to worry about missing it.  It will be wednesday or thursday and there's a crew of people working on it and I don't have the exact details yet but I'll be sure to let you know.  I do know that the theme is **Celebration! LOVE! Rainbows and Dancing**  I want people all over the world to wave their rainbows high and shout their love to the sky.  I want there to be dancing I want there to be joy.  Anaya MADE IT!  She graduated with honors!  She did a great job.  Let's show her how proud we are of her!

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, love, prayers and messages.  Anaya is very well loved.  I am humbled to have been able to share her lessons with you.  She was my teacher.  I was only her messenger.





98 comments:

  1. Camara, this is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your Anaya with us, her journey and all. She will always be in our hearts.

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  2. That bottom picture is one of the hardest I have ever had to see. She is deserving of nothing less than peace, love and freedom. You did a good thing, you were strong for her and I know she felt safe in your arms.

    Good job.

    Now I'm crying all over again.

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  3. Oh Mama, stay strong. You are so amazing and your baby girl has touched so many lives. I hope you know just how much your love for Anaya has impacted people everywhere. Me and my own baby girl will be lighting a rainbow candle for her. I cannot begin to know your pain, but she is free now.

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss, but in your loss there is hope for others, thank you for sharing the beautiful girl you had with the world. I am holding my son a lil tighter tonight as you grieve, I wish that I could take your pain, your daughter was so beautiful. Thank you for reminding me and the world how precious life really is. Again I am so sorry, there are no words to describe the pain I am in for you and your family.

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  5. I admire your strength, and thank you for sharing Anaya"s story and yours. My orayers have been with you since I discovered this.

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  6. Camara, you are amazing. Thank you for being you, for being Anaya's mama, and for teaching me how to love my children more freely and openly. You really have touched the world, and Anaya has made a HUGE impact on it!

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  7. Oh Camara, YOU are an angel sent from above <3 Anaya is where she will feel nothing but PEACE <3

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  8. My prayers are with you and your family, as you say goodbye to sweet baby.

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  9. Oh Camara...

    You are so so strong. And such a beautiful person. I thank God that Anaya was sent to YOU and your family. There was no better place for her to be an earth angel.

    She did things for our world that we can only DREAM of doing. And you gave her the voice to do those things.

    Thank you, Brent, and Solara for blessing us all with your baby girl.

    I am so, so very sorry for your loss. But I promise you that it is not in vain. Anaya leaves a legacy. The most beautiful legacy I have known.

    This has been the most painful journey I have witnessed. And you have gone about this journey with such grace and honesty. You opened your heart, and your world to us. And it allowed us to learn. It taught us to love stronger, to cry harder, to smile wider, and to always look for the rainbow in the storm.

    Words cannot express my gratitude to you, Camara, Brent, Solara, and beautiful angel Anaya.

    Much love xoxo

    Jewel Nangreaves
    Toronto, ON

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  10. I admire your strength, and thank you for sharing Anaya's story. I have kept you all in my prayers since I found this.

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  11. Oh Camara...

    You are so so strong. And such a beautiful person. I thank God that Anaya was sent to YOU and your family. There was no better place for her to be an earth angel.

    She did things for our world that we can only DREAM of doing. And you gave her the voice to do those things.

    Thank you, Brent, and Solara for blessing us all with your baby girl.

    I am so, so very sorry for your loss. But I promise you that it is not in vain. Anaya leaves a legacy. The most beautiful legacy I have known.

    This has been the most painful journey I have witnessed. And you have gone about this journey with such grace and honesty. You opened your heart, and your world to us. And it allowed us to learn. It taught us to love stronger, to cry harder, to smile wider, and to always look for the rainbow in the storm.

    Words cannot express my gratitude to you, Camara, Brent, Solara, and beautiful angel Anaya.

    Much love xoxo

    Jewel Nangreaves McDonald
    Toronto, ON

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  12. I know you have probably heard this a lot but I promise Anaya right here and now that I will be the best mommy I can be and I owe this to her. It breaks my heart that you are in such agony but I am happy she crossed the rainbow and is now pain free, running, dancing, and singing. Your story has amazed me and I love the carriage your husband made for your precious girl. He should design those as a profession for other little girls and boys. I have never met you or Anaya but I feel so much love for you and your family and especially Anaya! I hope you find the strength to heal as best as you can.

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  13. This was so beautiful, and it brought me to tears. You are a very strong woman (family), and I know that God welcomed her with open arms and will hold her tight until you all are reunited with her again. My prayers are with you all during this time, and I am sure Anaya is looking down smiling at all the love she has been blessed with on Earth.

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  14. You and your family are so strong from going through this. I could not imagine losing my son, who is not too much younger than Anaya. I did not hear of your story until three days ago and was heart broken to hear she had passed. I am praying for you and your family to find strength to go on.

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  15. I admire your courage, Camara. My prayers and love go out to you, Anaya, Brent and Solara. Take good care, and thank you for sharing Anaya's life and wisdom with all of us.

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  16. I am bawling my eyes out, I am SO sorry for you loss, but SO Thankful for being able to know of Anaya and her beautiful life. I feel as though she was a part of our family also and I will never forget her and her beauty. I prayed last night that she would visit you in a dream, to let you know that she is okay and she is Happy and always with you. I will continue to send your family endless love and support throughout these difficult times- You are wonderful, courageous, inspiring people and you have created a miracle on earth. May you find peace and happiness in everything you do xo LOVE YOU ANAYA!!!

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  17. she changed the world forever. oh, anaya. you made it! you completed your mission. you are better, free, reborn and completely whole!

    camara. i wish we could say something that made you feel better, free, reborn and whole. </3 god is with you. praying praying praying.

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  18. I am so sorry for your loss. It is something how the universe prepares you sometimes for a loss. Even when you know it is coming it never numbs the pain of losing them or fills that empty spot. She was such a pretty little girl. Take care of yourself and just remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. XOXOXOX

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  20. I have no words to express my feelings nor do I have the ability to understand what you are going through. I can't make the tears stop. You and your family are the bravest & most loving people know. Thank you all so much for sharing your life and Anaya's begining and end. So, so sad, yet something beautiful. Love and peace to you, Brent, Solara & baby Anaya. She will forever be surrounded with rainbows and sunshine!

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  21. There is no words to descibe the way I feel right now. Watching my own daughter sleep perfectly. I can not even begin to imagine the thought of ever losing a child. I weep for you as I read this. My heart hurts and my eyes are so blurry. You and your family are amazing. God has taken your little one to a safe place now and you will see her again one day happy, smiling, and beautiful just has she left you. I am so sorry for your lose. You have all of our love and support.
    xoxoxo
    Fisher Family♥

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  22. Letting the tears flow!
    Thank you for sharing this journey with us. You are such a strong mother...how lucky Anaya truly was.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you today and always. Her memory will not be forgotten. LOVE to you, Brent and Solara.

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  23. God bless you all! Thank you for sharing your story. Your words are amazing and I will never forget you.

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  24. Thank you. My heart aches for you.

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  25. Camara~ She blessed your life As you blessed her life♥ A Really beautiful story that I know I won't forget. God Bless you and give you strength to continue on until that special day comes when you cross the rainbow bridge to meet your Anaya♥ (((Hugs)))Thanks for sharing Anaya with all of us♥

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  26. My heart goes out to you...I am so sorry for your loss. You are an amazing family with so much courage, determination and love. You are an inspiration to so many and your sweet Anaya left this world a better place because of the gifts she shared with everyone. Sending lots of love and light your way.

    Laurie

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  27. Awww she touched my heart . Beautiful amazing baby . Iam so sorry for your loss she is just an amazing baby she look so peaceful .<3 to you and your family . I pray for what god could bring a small bit of healing .though I know the pain will never leave .

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  28. On March 4th I lost my little girl. She was born still at 32 weeks. I am so grateful to you and your family for giving my little girl a new beautiful friend to play with in Heaven. May they forever shine down on us and know how much they were loved. Remember that every day is one day closer to seeing them again. I can't wait to have the best tea party in heaven. You are in my prayers and please know that you and your family are loved.

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  29. Praying for healing though I know this pain will never leave . I pray . Your baby girl just beautiful she touched my heart . sending <3 to you and you family . Sleep gracefully baby .

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  30. With tears streaming down my face, I want to thank you for sharing the story of your beautiful Anaya. I will never forget your words. My prayers are with you, and may each rainbow you see in the days to come bring you peace. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

    God bless you, Christine

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  31. She is in a happy place now, and I will hug my babies just a little tighter tonight while we pray for your family. We'll also give a little shout out to Anaya in Heaven, I hope she hears my hellos. <3 Stay strong, mama.

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  32. God bless you.. Thank you so much for sharing Anaya with me (us).. I DO love and kiss on my baby girl that much more because of your story.. I have her Anaya Angel hanging in her room near her bed to always remind me of Anaya and her journey and her love. God bless you.. I love you and your family, as strange as that may sound..

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  33. I am so sorry for your loss. I will hug my girls all a little tighter tonight as we say a prayer for your family as you grieve your loss. Thank you for your strength and everything you did to support and make people aware.

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  34. R.I.P. Princess
    You've touched my heart so very dear . I know you are no longer in pain, but I do miss you & the wonderful status . You have a wonderful & strong family . I hope that you can look down upon me and smile . I promise you that you have made a dent into my heart that I will never forget . You thought me so many things . Even though your life was cut short I know your family made it the best for you ! Rest on peace beautiful angel ! We miss you ! <3

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  35. Peace be. I am so very sorry for your loss.

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  36. May you find peace and grace in the knowledge that because of Anaya many mothers like myself ARE holding their babies closer. I am so sorry for your loss and your family will be in the prayers of our family.

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  37. i am crying while i read your message... how can life be so hard and so beautifull at the same time. this moment where your little girl was so free, listening to the rythme of your heartbeat, the ryhtm that made her grow for 9 months, the most beautifull sound for a little girl...
    i will never look at a rainbow the same way now...
    all your family was there when she left, she was in peace. how beautifull is that.
    how so hard.
    wishing you to find peace, to cry and to heal. take your time, walk in nature, she will be there...
    sending lots of love to you and all your family.

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  38. Camara, Brent, and Solara,

    I have spent the last 2 days crying and obsessing over your story. I can't possibly begin to imagine how you feel, or what you are going through. I only wish that I heard about beautiful Anaya earlier, so I could have prayed a little harder, and spread your story a little farther.

    Mommy and Daddy, you are both so strong, Solara too. I wish you nothing but happiness and peace, and I hope that you are able to raise awareness for this heart breaking disease. You are absolutely right, beautiful Anaya was given to you for a reason, there are not many that would be able to handle this kind of heartbreak. You are so strong, and unbelievable courageous. I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain you are feeling.

    Beautiful Anaya, you have touched so many hearts. You will always remain in my heart, forever. Your spirit will carry on for eternity, as an angel, looking over your family, and being there for them when they need you. Every time I see a rainbow, I will think of you, knowing that you are looking over someone, guiding, and helping them get through a rough period in their lives.

    RIP little Anaya, you are already missed by so many

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  39. I was blessed to come across the picture of you and your little girl yesterday. I had never seen it before nor had I heard of your family. I didn't even have to readthe caption as a mother I knew and I started to cry. I have since read about your story and I find it so sad and so insperational at the same time. I will always look at my kids differently from now on I will never let your little girl's beautiful face leave my mind. You guys did such an amazing job and you could see that by just looking at her. You gave her the best two years of her life. Thank you again for sharing this story and teaching me that my kids are so important and deserving of an amazing life just like you guys gave your daughter and will continue to do for her sister. My positive thoughts are sent your way in your families time of grieving:)

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  40. BEAUTIFUL! I can't stop crying, my heart breaks for you but at the same time you inspire me!!!! Your strength, determination & courage to let your daughter go (the most selfless thing a mother could do) and to keep going on with such a positive attitude. I am SO deeply touched by your story. I have hugged my children tighter tonight because of YOU. You are all so loved by complete strangers. Thank you for sharing your life, story & beautiful little baby with us. XO

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  41. My heart is with you. Your girl was a warrior, a princess, an angel and a hero. So many of us are changed forever because you so beautifully and openly shared your journey, your love and your little's girl's amazing strength. Thank you. May you feel the love pouring your way from thousands of us from all around the world. xo

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  42. Sweet baby girl....We'll be making rainbows for you tomorrow.

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  43. Thank you for sharing your familys beautiful yet painful journey with us. I can not even begin to know the amount of sorrow you must feel. Thank you for reminding me to hold my little one closer and cherish every moment God has granted me. My heart goes out to you and your family as you struggle in her absence. May you find peace in knowing she has no more pain as she dances in heaven and in the beautiful memories of her time on earth.. <3

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  44. My prayers are with your family. Meanwhile, I'm in Vancouver - if there's anything I can do to help you in any way, please let me know! http://www.facebook.com/elina.singh

    Elina

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  45. I have been following your journey with Anaya for a number of weeks now and like many others I am deeply affected by her passing. I too have a little daughter who will be turning 3 this week and so as a mother I have found your posts and blog beyond touching. Everything that you gave to Anaya, and she to you is so inspiring. This is the kind of love that transcends all and can heal all. I have been crying along with so many of these sweet people as we unite in sending your family love and blessings during this most painful of times. Camara, you are a rare and lovely person and a wonderful mother. Thank you for your openness and for sharing such intimate moments between you and Anaya and your family. By allowing others to witness your journey, you have made an impact in many different ways to many lives. Anaya would be so proud of her mama! Love, light, and sweet healing blessings to you.

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  46. THANK YOU for sharing your beautiful baby girl's story. Her little life has moved me so deeply through your words, your love, and your hope...and I'm sitting here weeping, watching my own beloved sleep soundly on a monitor. I want to rush right up to her and squeeze her tight... I'm so sorry Anaya is not here with you anymore but if I had to choose any way to go, it would be in my mother's embrace. A thousand hugs to you and your family...

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  47. Your girl is beautiful. I wish you the greatest strength.

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  48. This is the most beautiful writing of yours. And the most sad. And the most happy. I held my grandbaby tonight and cried thinking of Anaya and how much you loved her. And I too, will always make sure to love him every second and not take anything for granted. I slept with the little crocheted hat that I won in the auction. I will cherish it forever. Just to think that Anaya wore it! My new granddaughter will wear it and have her picture made in it. God bless you, Camara. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You have taught us so much. I hope to meet you in your crusade! Linda M.

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  49. Camara and family,
    I have no words. I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain you must be going through. Thank you for sharing your story and your beautiful little angel with us.
    Love and Light to you all now and always.

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  50. Anaya and her love have changed so many lives in this world. Your entire family has done this. She knew her purpose and she fulfilled it with grace. xo

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  51. Safe in the Arms of Jesus
    Soft on his Gentle Breast
    Safe in the Arms of Jesus,
    There shall her soul take rest.

    Run, dance, play free now little lady, I am sure there will be little resting for you now you have your new and perfect body to run and play!
    Love to you all, Empty arms but full hearts,
    David Tina and Family xxx

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  52. How fitting that she came into the world from your body, and flew from it next to your heart. I'm sure she knew how utterly loved she was, every single moment. I can imagine her laughing and playing over the rainbow, and while you're proud of her...I'm sure she's at least doubly proud of you, her mama, for being so strong and beautiful-hearted, and for loving her so totally.

    My thoughts are with you all. I'm holding my little boy right now, and saying a prayer of thanks for him. <3

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  53. It is by the grace of God that you and Anaya were sent on your "mission". In Anaya's short life, she touched many more people than any of us could ever imagine or hope to. God gives us these gifts to teach us about respect, humility, faith, and love. It is because of Anaya that we are reminded of how lucky we are in so many aspects of our lives, regardless of their length. There are no words to provide you comfort, no action to relieve your pain. All I can provide is my thoughts and prayers to you, Anaya, and your family, that God may give you the strength, poise, faith, and grace to carry you through the hardest part of the journey with Anaya. Anaya, you have truly been blessed and now you share councel with The Lord. Thank you for allowing me to share in your journey and not to take my gifts for granted. God speed, dear little Anaya. For tonight your bed will be a fluffy cloud, and angels will sing you to sleep. The Lord welcomes you home with open arms.

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  54. The love in your family, your girl, your mama baby LOVE is dazzling. Thank you for sharing this part of your story. I will always remember beautiful Anaya. She cannot be gone, I am seeing her on every face.
    May you and beautiful Super Sister and Daddy find peace and grace.
    Much much love to your family.

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  55. Send love and hugs to you all. I am absolutely sobbing while reading this and reminded of the loss of our niece three years ago to neuroblastoma. I now have two little girls of my own - today they will be receiving extra cuddles. Anaya is amazing to have touched the lives of so many strangers in this way. Prayers that you may all find peace in the face of such a tragic loss.

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  56. Oh Camara, I really had to wipe all the tears away to continue reading to the end of every post, especially this one. This is every mothers worst nightmare yet you proven to be every mothers most inspiring role model. She has been a beautiful gift to the world, and you were her incredible source of love, strength and support. My heart goes out to you and your family. Cydney

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  57. My thoughts have always been with you and I am relieved for you in this most difficult time. As hard as it was the experience has shown you the enormous power of love. Thank you for sharing your journey so eloquently.

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  58. Oh Camara, you are such a beautiful writer.
    You have already made her proud by just being you.
    I am grieving the loss of your beautiful little girl, whom I never had the pleasure of meeting.
    I live in Revelstoke, so had planned to make the quick trip down to Nelson after my son was born, to donate some fresh breastmilk... He was born at the end of September, so you were on your way on your trip... so I never got the chance. I am so so sorry for your loss.
    Sending you strength and love. xoxo

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  59. I am so sorry to hear this. My heart is breaking for you and your family.

    Thank you for sharing your daughter with us. She is and will always be beautiful.

    My thoughts are with you.

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  60. I have been following your blog for awhile now! its absolutely beautiful! You are so strong and it is amazing what you have done! Your baby girl is so precious and I am so happy your are at peace with her resting with the angles! You are awesome in every way and gave her everything she needs! Defiantly a lesson to never take one single breath for granted! RIP Anaya! I will always look at rainbows in a different way! God Bless the family and prayers for you all! Heaven received the most precious gift ever! Please watch over your family babygirl!
    Hugs*

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  61. You are an absolutely amazing mother. She did, and does have an amazing family. To watch the way you cared for her and loved her is just inspiring and Im so thankful you shared her with all of us. Anaya has touched my heart so deeply I have just cried for days thinking about her and you all. Her little life touched so many lives (and will continue to do so) and to see Gods grace working through you during this time ..... I could go on and on. I dont even know you all but walking through these past couple months of your journey- I really have love for you all and sweet beautiful Anaya <3

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  62. I am so sorry for your loss. You have a beautiful attitude during this difficult time. I pray for peace, comfort and strength for you and your family.

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  63. Thank you for sharing your story and your beautiful daughter with us. May she live in the glow of the rainbow forever.

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  64. Thank you for sharing your story and your beautiful daughter. May she live in the glow of the rainbow forever!

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  65. Anaya's story has affected me deeply. I find I think about her often throughout the day. This morning, while looking out my front window and enjoying the sunshine flowing in, I found myself thinking once again about Anaya. At that moment I saw a cloud in the sky that looked like a face. It was a sweet angelic face with chubby cheeks that reminded my so much of Anaya. I ran to grab my camera but by the time I grabbed my jacket and ran outside the cloud had shifted.

    I was sad because it seemed that moment, so fleeting and now lost. But although I couldn't capture that cloud on film, it made me reflect further upon Anaya's life. I will always remember that special cloud, just as all of us who have "known" Anaya will remember her. She will be in every cloud in the sky, the warm rays of the sun, and of course every rainbow sent from heaven.

    Thank-you Camara for your strength and sharing with us all such a beautiful life.

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  66. How brave you are! You and your sweet wee babe have taught us all one of life's most lessons -- that true love and joy are always worth the sadness and pain. Be well...

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  67. Your love and strength are an amazing light in our world. Your daughter is also an amazing little girl who is in a better place now. Her light will shine forever in our hearts.

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  68. Yesterday was the one year anniverary of my father's passing, which my family had watched in the hospital as well. I know the sigh you are writing about, the sigh of relief, they are happy to be going over the rainbow bridge to a better place. I know Anaya is there where my father is, and making him smile. You are a wonderful person, and Anaya is so lucky to have a mother like you.

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  69. Camara and family,
    So sorry for your loss. I checked your blog often and can't stop thinking of your family and Anaya. My heart breaks for you.
    Camara, you are such a strong and beautiful person. Anaya, may you rest in peace little angel.

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  70. Camara, I recently started reading your blog. I found it through another web site, clicked on the link and started reading since then. I admire you for sharing your story with so many people. YOu are a strong woman and the best mommy. I ask God to hold you and your family in his arms, to bring you comfort and peace during the hard times, and for you to NEVER forget what a wonderful mommy you are. God bless you.

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  71. Im am in TEARS for u. I ABSOLUTELY LOVEEEEE THE PIC OF you, Solara and the baby. Solara seems so strong for her baby sister. I cant stop crying. I hold and kisses my babies more then ever now every day every moment I get to the point that they are frustrated with me. :) Thank u adnd your family for sharing. I know Anaya is having a blast in heaven. Rest in Peace mamita que dios te quide.

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  72. Very few things make me cry. This post did. Oh sweet Anaya. You did so well, little one. You tried so hard. And you, mama, you did too. You loved your baby from birth to death. You held and comforted her every day. You did good, mama. God bless you.

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  73. Camara & Family,

    My heart aches for you and your family over the loss of Anaya.. I came across your blog on FB, as I am apart of a babyloss group on there. I have sat over the past 2 days and read each and every one of your blog entries Camara.. yesterday, I sobbed at my diningroom table.. called my 13 month old daughter over and hugged her so tight.. tears pouring down my cheeks.. I couldn't stop crying.. when I read of Anaya's passing.. it was so heartwrenching.. I just can't imagine the anguish and pain you and your family felt holding that sweet girl while she passed. I lost a baby at 21 weeks 6 days (pregnant) back in Sept 2009.. and it was the most devastating thing for me.. nothing like you have experienced.. but you have shown me what a mother can and will do for their child.. you are a true inspiration and testimony to all moms out there.. and you spreading the word about Anaya's condition is so important.. the more that know, then maybe you can save another family from going thru what you have gone thru. Your story has touched me and although I cherish my two daughters.. I am finding the urge to hug just a bit more.. I thank God everday for my girls.. I sat in my car last night and prayed for you and your family.. I cried as I sat and prayed for you .. I pray many blessings to come for you and Solara... and for Brent.. :) hugs, Janice

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  74. I only just learned about your beautiful little angel, Anaya this evening and I just had to say I am so sorry for your family's loss. Having looked at the wonderful pictures you have shared of Anaya, the love and devotion you gave to her, and the joy that you brought into her short life is truly magnificent. She had the best parents and older sister she could have asked for and she is now at peace, beyond the suffering that this condition gave her. I have been crying for most of the evening, sad about the loss of a beautiful innocent child, but I am heartened that she lived. In such a short life, she made a real difference, and the world is a better place for her having been here. My deepest condolences for your loss, and may Anaya dance along rainbows forever in your hearts. -Alan, Hove, England

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  75. Camara, my thoughts are with you and your family during this time. I am so so sorry for your loss but am thankful for sharing beautiful Anaya's story with the world. We are a little more blessed for having known her.

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  76. This makes me want to hug my little one that much tighter. Thank you for sharing your story. Heaven is a little brighter with your baby girl there. God bless.

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  77. I just found this blog today. And I just had my first baby 5 months ago. To say that I am sorry doesn't even begin to tell you that I wish I could hug you and be with you. I don't even know you. But it doesn't matter. Anaya is in heaven. God holds her, now. And Anaya will wait for her mama in heaven!

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  78. You are such an incredible mama. Anaya's story is amazing and I admire your strength and love. Your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  79. My thoughts are with you and your family. Your strength amazes me and, even though we've never met, never communicated, I just want you to know that I love you.

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  80. There are no words. From one mama's heart to another's, I'm sending you love and peace and strength.

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  81. I've cried for you each time I read this over the last 4 days. There just are not words to express how sorry I am that you had to go through this. Thank you for sharing and for being an inspiration for what love looks like. Love, Peace and Light to you and your family.

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  82. Words escape me, but I want to send my love.

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  83. hi camara,
    i can't hold my tears when reading this post of yours.
    May she finds a good company there.
    I would like to share with you a similar experience by another person i came to know about.

    =Dr. Laurence Brown was first introduced to submitting himself to God when his Daughter was undergoing a critical surgery. = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J5_VETwfew&feature=related
    i hope you will benefit from it.

    best regards.

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  84. I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  85. I am thankful that you documented your loss. I will be one of the thousands of moms who love my babies a little bit more because of baby anaya and her wonderful mom. she will not be forgotten.

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  86. sending you so much love.....seeing your Angel's rainbow light in the love and support you are surrounded by....feeling closer to the light thanks to your sharing

    blessings and LOVE

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  87. It's 72 degrees in Heaven...she warm now

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  88. Wow! Your story touched my heart and made me cry. May you be comforted in knowing she's safe and healthly. no more pain in Heaven!

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  89. I am in tears after reading this post. I found your blog through Tripp's Mom's blog.

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the feelings that come with losing your baby but knowing that she is now no longer in pain.

    You and your family will be in my prayers.

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  90. This is heartbreaking to see your little angel Anaya is gone but she is in God's hands now. Camara you are very strong woman to have a strength to get your self together during the loss of your precious Anaya. I am sending my prayers for you! God Bless.

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  91. Camara, I have been following Anaya's story for quite some time now, and it always moves me to tears. I am so thankful for my babies and I hug them tighter everyday. I am so sorry for your loss. Anaya is beautiful, and is an inspiration to us all. You are in my prayers, and every time I see a rainbow, I think of sweet Anaya. RIP beautiful baby. You're an inspiration to us all.

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  92. Camara,

    I came across your blog from leaving a comment on Courtney's blog about Tripp, where you posted just before me saying you had just lost your daughter. I am so sorry for the unimaginable heartbreak you're going through. Everything you've written here is beautiful and so moving. I have no words to say, really, but know that I am thinking of you and thank you for your strength and sharing your & Anaya's journey. You are a wonderful woman doing wonderful things and I know you are touching many lives. Thank you for that.

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  93. I know what you went through. i lost my lil brother at age 2, he had mito. it was hard and i have sympathy for you. i know how it feels to loose a loved one.

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