Wednesday July 21, 2010

Yesterday Anaya and I had an interesting day. It started out with Anaya sleeping in a new set up beside the bed, instead of sharing my pillow. We didn't sleep quite as awesomely as I had hoped. I think it will take some getting used to. I kept waking up to check her and make sure she was warm enough, and that her head was positioned properly to allow good breathing. She awoke with a gurgle in her throat, which progressed into a full on mucous bubble attack later in the morning.

Anaya and I travelled to Nelson, where we met Joanne for a bite to eat at "Bent Fork". It wasn't my morning for 50's memorabilia and bland eggs so I left rather dissapointed. We went to Joanne's beautiful abode where we set up Anaya's nebulizer machine and tried to get a handle on her secretions. Joanne stayed with her while I ran errands.

I went to the childrens consignment store to drop off some old sleepers and had an emotional meltdown. As I was labelling them with my number I came to Anaya's froggy princess sleeper. It's always been one of my favorites. It fit her for months. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, my eyes teared up, my heart split open and for a moment I saw myself sobbing my eyes out in front of other startled customers. That did it! I mentally grabbed the halves of my heart and forced them back together and sewed it up with self-assurance. She's still here, she's still alive, focus on the now - leave the past and future where they belong. Once settled I decided to keep the froggy sleeper, and bought Anaya a couple new warm-weather outfits. I headed over to Katie Sawyers to drop off milk coolers and proceeded to allow my emotions to flow. She leant me an understanding ear and gave me great hugs. We sipped spicy ginger tea and I allowed the warmth to seep into my aching heart and rejuvinate me.

I went back to Joanne's House and found Joanne and Anaya seated in the rocking chair still trying to get a handle on those nasty secretions in her throat. We decided that we would not take her to her scheduled chiropractic session. I went alone, still in an emotional space.

After the adjustment I picked up some blueberries to share at our planned group meet up in the park. We were to meet Anaya's milk donors or "Milky Mom's" for a blessing ceremony. Again I returned to Joanne's House. Anaya sat in a calm space and had cleared up considerably. I gave her a feed over the course of an hour and then we took her feeding tube out and put her hair in pigtails.

We walked to lakeside park and set down our blanket in the lush grass with the other mamas. We were joined by Rosalyn Grady, a spiritual elder, who led us in a ceremony of blessing for the mama's and their children. We each made a SEED BUNDLE TO REPRESENT OUR HOPES AND LIFE for the next generation. Then it was my turn to speak. I thanked the mamas for giving Anaya the gift of their milk. I explained how much it helps her, how much we appreciate their contribution to her health. Tears poured down my face as I relayed my gratitude and love. I then led the circle in a brief meditation on Presence. Katie gifted Anaya with a necklace from Divine Mother Ama- the woman who hugs.

We were joined by Jean and Claire - beautiful musicians who played music for us. It was beautiful. In all it was an incredible experience. I danced with a very healthy chubby baby and delighted in her joy. I danced with Anaya too, who seemed to love the music. Here are some more pictures and a video is to come.