Wednesday April 14, 2010

I am pleased to tell you that Anaya appears to be over her cold! I'm also pleased to tell you that we're in the process of hiring an awesome nurse. Many people I know have known her for years. Her name is Joanne Emily. She has been a nurse for 40 years. She has worked with Pediatrics and infant development and palliative care. She is deep and caring and fun with a sparkle in her eyes. I feel very comfortable with her.

This afternoon Anaya and Solara and I went for a walk with our huge puppy Alexander. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the dog was happy, Solara was cruising on her scooter - all was lovely. I contemplated life and death and God and Energy and the universe and all of creation. I thought of the joy my daughters give me and I felt it - glowing through my being as we moved down the country road together towards our neighbors house. I also felt the tangy sweet sadness of time passing away from us.

The docs have said that my little love is in the advanced stages of this disease. I'll just keep praying and loving. I'm learning so much about life through all this. I am changing inside. I have never known such depth of emotion - such joy, such sorrow. Even losing my mother does not compare. I feel like a willow in the wind- bending and swaying but never breaking, somehow never breaking. I do not know where this strength is coming from. Perhaps from my previous life experiences. There have been some struggles along the way that I have come out on top of. My life has prepared me for this.

The beauty of the rental property we live in blows me away. There are numerous perennial flower beds and a large veggie garden, and also a large lawn. We took it on last year when we were pregnant. Of course we had no idea that our baby would have such special needs. I could really use a hand with spring garden prep and bed clean-up. It stresses me to see these things undone and not being able to do them myself. Perhaps I should throw a spring work party potluck. Anyone want to come out? Send me an e-mail. maraglow@gmail.com