Saturday, August 28, 2010

These pictures are of Anaya in the days surrounding her 1st birthday. I often wonder what Anaya is experiencing and I thought I would try writing a post from her point of view.

This morning I awoke and it was hard to get a breath. I move my eyes back and forth- trying to find my mommy but I can't see her. I can't see anything. I cough and my mommy picks me up and wipes out my mouth with a soft cloth that smells of clean laundry. It tickled the back of my throat and I gagged. A big gob of mucous came out - but still I could only take small shallow breaths. Mommy carried me down the stairs (thump, thump, thump) then she laid me down and turned on the Incredibly Loud and Scary Thing that is the suction machine. She opened my mouth a stuck the tube down my throat. It hurt and my eyes teared up. I gagged repeatedly - trying desperately to get it out. I wish I could reach up with my hands - but my arms wont move. Mommy pulls the sucker out and I experience relief and I can breathe again.

I cry and try to yell to tell her how awful it is - but all that comes out is a little mew. Mommy snuggles me and holds me close, whispering that everything's going to be okay now that she's got me. Resting my head against her soft chest the sound of her breathing and the thump thump of her heart beat calms my fear. I take deep breaths. I feel the soft touch of mommy's kisses on my forehead and the bridge of my nose. She smothers me with little kisses and I love it.

Now I hear the Not as Loud noise that makes the cool wet air. Mommy is still holding me and the salty air is in my mouth- in my nose. I breathe it in and it makes my throat feel better. It feels good to breathe it. It tastes salty and salty is one of the only flavours I know. The sound is gone. I feel a drop on my tongue. It is a drop of mama milk. I taste the sweetness of it and move my tongue against my mouth, savouring it. I swallow and it goes down okay. Then I take a breath but - oh no! some of the milk goes down into my larynx and I choke and sputter. After a few more swallows I can breathe again...

1 comment:

  1. Discovered your blog while searching for photos of purple flowers for LGBT Spirit Day on 10/20/10. Yours and Anaya's story has spirited me away -- thank you for sharing your lives! You've touched me so much today. All the best to you, and both your girls.


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