August 4, 2010

Anaya slept well last night. The only issue seemed to be her breath catching in her throat on inhalation. I held the nebulizer vapour to her sleeping lips until it dissapated. It's interesting how a little saltwater vapour can soothe her throat. Right now I can hear her breathing through the baby monitor and the catch is back this morning. I'll try giving her a neb (nebulizer) in a few minutes, hopefully it will work to soothe her again.

Our little angel seems to be sleeping more lately. Her periods of wakefullness are shorter and less aware. Although who am I to say she is less aware? Perhaps her awareness is more focused than mine with a smaller scope. Perhaps she is aware of each breath she takes, each blink and swallow. I can imagine her smelling the sweetness of the morning air, the scent of the blooming roses, different types of food cooking on the stove. Her awareness is all present time. What a gift.

I can imagine her feeling our kisses on her skin. I dreampt that she smiled at me last night, and puckered her little lips for a kiss. Oh sweet baby :)

Some days are better than others. Yesterday had some hard moments. There was a baby I saw who was about the same age as Anaya. She was playing with her hand in the water fountain, stomping her little foot on a leaf - absorbed in the experience of the world around her. She was so cute and so sweet. My heart ached for my daughter who is unable to stand, unable to walk, unable to reach her hand into the falling water, or stamp her bare foot on a leaf. I accept these things but they sadden me. There are healthy babies everywhere I look. Most of the time it's no big deal, sometimes it splits my world asunder.

Now I shall go help my sleeping baby breathe easier.