Friday, June 4, 2010

Friday June 4, 2010

This week has been a hard one for me emotionally. Anaya has been very sleepy and having breathing interruptions or apnea episodes that are longer than they used to be. I fear that she will become more and more sleepy and never wake up. I suppose if one has to go - going in your sleep would be the best way. It's just that I'll miss her so much.

Any parent that has ever loved a baby knows the feeling. The feeling where you just wanna snuggle them up and kiss their cheeks and protect them from the world. The way a baby sleeping conforms to the curve of your arms like...well I don't know what to compare it to. The way they sigh in their sleep and suckle on imaginary breasts in their dreams. This love is a sweet feeling, one that opens up the heart in it's splendor. Similar to the most beautiful sunrise you've ever seen - and never wanted to end.

For me this sweet love is amplified by my sadness. My sunrise has rainbows of many colors. Anaya teaches me how much emotion I can hold in my heart all at once.

So I will try to let go of the overwhelmingness of it all and simply feel this rainbow of emotion while I hold my sleeping love close to my heart.

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