Jan 16, 2010

There is a stillness in these wintery days. Time slows and each moment becomes lengthened. Anaya sleeps often, her baby lips trembling while dreaming. I run my fingers through her hair, around her ear, beneathe her chin. Her skin is so soft. The only comparison I can find is like fresh silky rose petals. Her flesh yields to the softest touch like softened butter. The beauty of this little butterball astounds me.

She calls out with a mewling cry when I lay her down to change her. Her arms sometimes rise from the counter and twitch rhythmicly in muscle spasm. I lift her feet, bending her at the knees and hips to clean her bottom before putting her in a clean dry diaper. The muscles in her legs tense up and she cries out in pain, cringing her whole being. I hold her tight and soothe her, helping her to relax. The pain abates, she settles.

Picking her up and holding her to my chest my lips smack a kiss on her crown of blonde. I sing to her and we shuffle over to the stereo. "What do you want to listen to?" I ask her. She breathes and sighs eyes darting left to right. I select a CD from the drawer,we listen to harmonious melodies and dance.

Live in the moment - I tell myself this. Feel deeply these sweet joys. Her baby heart flutters against mine and we spiral towards mama-baby love infinity. A creator would surely love all of creation thusly.

I find myself at a loss sometimes. I simply don't know how else to behave. I continue putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes feeling like life's sleepwalker. Anaya pulls me out of my reverie, smacking her lips, reminding me of a baby kiss never known. I press my cheek to her lips, she smacks again. I tell her how sweet her kisses are.

It's time to pick her up again. Our night time cuddle begins. Soon we'll be headed for bed. I'll kiss her cheek for you, our readers, who love this fragile princess. Goodnight.