Now I awake and instantly look over past the empty side of my bed out of habit expecting to see my baby girl listening for someone to wake up , taking in the new day and see the tapestry decorated by a sun . It reminds me of the precious moments I can remember as vividly as if they only happened a moment ago.I cherish the time I have with my wonderful little baby girl. I miss having her near me without the chance of a stolen kiss or a snuggle at my convenience, so now I push on struggling to find my new place in this new world. I strive for my peace I once took for granted.Within my new existence I seek love for myself,my baby girl and the friendship love that's starting all over with camara. I am fortunate to still have that yet it has been hard to have your closest friend hold you at a distAnce to protect their heart so they can heal and grow. I have made many mistakes and compromised my integrity but never again. Especially where love is concerned. I miss the love ,companionship ,shared goals , the partnership, and of course the physical parts. Love is a wonderful thing in all it's factions right from the first kiss to the,play to the memories and fullness you feel. I had forgot how to play in many ways and that usually ended in hysterical laughter and affection. I hope to make things right whatever that means , so I will see what the future brings. I am also working as hard As I can to get my place ready for my baby girl to spend my days off with me and I am constantly moving things to make it comfy , calm and accessible for all of anayas needs.
I still am trying to track down a crib type thing / change table to make the transition smoother without having to move furniture around every time I take her overnight.
The most exiting part about anaya is the love at first sight , I don't know how my life will be when she is gone but until then I fill every waking moment with love for her. Unfortunately time is sometimes money and again I work to the bone to be able to spend more time with her and keep challenging thoughts like having to work extra when extra expenses arise. I am trying to give her all of me I can because she deserves the love of a lifetime in such few years . I am working on some portraits of Anaya and trying to find other parents and children to illustrate As well for a collection to remind people of the most precious moments in life and to hopefully get some interest and possibly funds to get more time for those myself. That's all we really have in this life is all those wonderful moments that are worth more than anything in the world !!