Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Always Broken

I find the post that Natalie wrote to be profound. Perhaps I am "Never Not Broken", perhaps I harness my fear and ride it. Perhaps that's why I sometimes scare people with my intensity and my inability to see obstacles that cannot be overcome.

I find most obstacles overcome able. I am like water. I flow. Sometimes I fall, sometimes I go slowly, sometimes swiftly, but I trust that I will get to the ocean eventually. I trust and have faith that I will always make it around the bend, and over the next set of falls.

Maybe one day I'll have someone to share my journey with that is on the same page as me, or maybe not. It must be intense to be around someone like me who is "never not broken".

My baby girl lays beside me, and I listen to her breathing. Her life has changed me in ways so profound I can hardly explain with words. My little teacher. She has taught me more than anything to live in the moment, love with all your heart, give everything you have, and hold nothing back, even if it breaks you repeatedly. I am still whole in my brokenness.

The fundraiser held over the past 48 hours has generated some money. It is enough for me to stay with my baby, enough to buy her carseat and supplies, it has bought us stress free time together to LIVE and LOVE. I thank everyone for that with all my heart and soul. Our moments are precious. Not just mine and Anaya's but each and every one of YOURS too. Be sure to make certain the people you love in your life know it. Take a moment to truly connect with their soul, bask in the profoundness that is the joy of human love and connection. It doesn't get any better than that folks. It just plain doesn't.

(Even the hater that's been sending me nasty email all day!- You must really have a lot of hurt inside you that makes you say such ignorant things)

There's always room for more love - and if there isn't room, it's your own issue to deal with.

Goodnight Yall!
P.S- Texas, I'm so gonna whoop ya for missing this one. Where the heck are you?


  1. Im sorry you have a hater out there. Ignorance is like a plague. Fortunately that wont be spreading here.
    Yours is the correct attitude and outlook in my opinion, mama. Cheers to you..and as always to that gorgeous little lady next to you <3

  2. There are always those that cant feel the love for others. (I have that in my life) but Know for every one of them you have hundreds that Love you and Pray for Your Angel. So Happy this fundraiser was a success and that it will supply some much needed things for Anaya!

  3. Oh my gosh! 6k?? That's amazing! You and Anaya have so many people that love you both so much. It restores my faith in humanity. Thanks to everyone who donated and continues to donate!
    We LOVE Anaya sooo much!

  4. I thank God every day for the Internet, Facebook, Twitter - without all of these technologies, I would have missed out on knowing an amazing little angel and her Mama! I feel truly blessed to have found you - by some miracle, just stumbled upon the CBC clip one day, and I've been hooked on your beautiful family ever since :) Divine intervention, that's for sure! So glad the fundraiser was such a success!

    Remember that we all love you and for that one hater, who obviously could use some love in their life, there are thousands who want nothing but the best for you and Anaya! Much love, as always, to you both. Always in my thoughts and prayers! XO

  5. Ever since Natalie's post I have been picturing you in a cowgirl getup ( hat and all) on a bucking bronco of a crocodile whipping anyone who gets in your way. Totally awesome. :) I think one of the reasons you inspire me so much is what a fiercely strong and loving, and protective mother you are, one that I wished I had to protect me as a little girl, and one I try every day to be. Anaya sure did not get sent to you by accident of all the mothers that could have been. So happy that the fundraiser had such an overwhelmign response. You deserve time together with your baby girl, and if this darn worn out health care and provincial support system can't provide it, then its up to us your community ( ie "village") to rally to support you and Anaya. That's just what good people do. hugs to all xoxoxox

  6. You write with such poise, candor and lyrical beauty. When I read your entries, I feel the depth of your love for sweet Anaya & Solara. No love is like a mother's for her children and I know they both are tremendously grateful.

    The other day I heard a song sung by Alisha Keys, called "Superwoman". I immediately thought of you, Camara! Part of the lyrics say:

    For all the mothers fighting
    For better days to come
    And all my women, all my women sitting here trying
    To come home before the sun
    And all my sisters
    Coming together
    Say yes I will
    Yes I can

    Cause I am a Superwoman
    Yes I am
    Yes she is
    Even when I’m a mess
    I still put on a vest
    With an “S” on my chest
    Oh yes
    I’m a Superwoman

    Although, we have never met and may never meet, I am forever thankful that our paths have crossed. You have touched my life in ways I cannot explain, I think differently and constantly tweak my thoughts for hopefully the better. I truly believe I'm a better person thanks to you.

    I am grateful to all the people who have lent a hand to you, whether it be their their time, donated money, milk, their ears. Camara, you and your girls are worthy of all the happiness your big hearts can hold. Thank you for letting us all in!

    All our love to you and your sweet loves.

    Darrin, Blake & Jacqueline

  7. Hi there,
    My name is Amy and I just discovered your blog on my friend's FB page. Congrats on raising some money. My heart is so happy that you got such great support at such an important time. I too have a daughter who is terminally ill with a rare disease and we are at Children's hospital. We are being discharged Friday after 74 days of hospital living. I will be back lots to the hospital for the next couple of months and I would love to bring you a meal. Please let me know where I can find you in the hospital and what food you cannot eat! I can come by next week.


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