Wednesday, September 10, 2014

What is beauty?

What is beauty?  Why the hell would I enter a beauty contest?

I believe that beauty is a deeply personal thing. A person's beauty is a combination of not only how they look - but their ability to connect with the person beholding them as beautiful. The ability to make people smile, to feel good about themselves and the world - that is beautiful. To be smart and solve problems with creative solutions - that is beautiful. To be kind and generous, welcoming and compassionate - that is beautiful. When you get a combination of someone who is beautiful in many ways, shapely and sexy - then you've got a knockout!

My soul and personality have been forged in the fires of pain and suffering. From a childhood of emotional trauma to the death of my mother and the death of my own daughter only three years ago - my life has, in the past, been a rollercoaster of really bad times - and some good times. Fortunately for me all of my previous life experiences have created me to be resilient, strong, compassionate, and patient. I see the beauty in all things - and all people. I wasn't always a positive person. I didn't always see the light. I've been depressed - at times even suicidal - feeling all alone in the world and completely misunderstood. During the sickness and death of my mother when I was 15 - my life turned completely upside down and it was years and years before it righted itself again.

Surprisingly it was the sickness and death of my daughter that taught me about being present within myself. Of forgiving myself. How to live in the moment and appreciate the little things. Of course I grieved when my little love lost her abilities one at a time. Of course my heart was shattered into a million pieces when she took her last breath over my heart at only two years of age. However, the profoundness of that love healed me and I no longer feel lost and alone in the world.

The inner work was taking place during her illness and death - but my body decided to take a sabbatical. I had no energy for exercise - no desire to concern myself about my weight. Over the two years she was ill, and the following two years after, I gained an extra fifty pounds of fat and couldn't really care less - until one day I did. My husband was no longer interested in me. My friends would give me sideways looks and make comments like "Are you sure you should eat that?" My older daughter said to me one day "Mom your butt is really big." Previously I hadn't even noticed that I had let myself go physically. I was so busy learning and healing and grieving inside that the outside just seemed pointless. Until the day that it changed.

I decided I was going to take my body back and show the world the person I am inside. I wanted to be able to run up the stairs without huffing and puffing. I wanted to get up from the floor without moaning. Damn it I wanted to go shopping and have clothing fit. I was sick of crying in the change room and feeling sorry for being fat. I was sick of the way people treat you when you're overweight - and you better believe it - fat people get treated differently. Men don't look at you when you walk by with a twinkle and a smile. Fit people brush you off as lazy and not worth their time. Even in business overweight people are treated as substandard human beings. It's not right. Inside every person is a soul - a light as grand and as beautiful as they allow it to be. I decided that my soul needed a better body, a healthier body, so that I could more fully express myself and enjoy my life. And so I decided to lose the weight - and I won't get into the method here - but it really worked for me. I decided to start my own business helping others lose weight without insane dieting or exercise. Now I've lost 50 pounds! I am happy in my body, my heart and mind are sounder than they've ever been.

My job is to help people recover the beauty that is inside them - and show it to the world! Let me know if you need help - and I'll be here for you. I think that it's important to note here that there are plenty of thin people out there who struggle with the same pain and insecurities as larger people in a reverse way. Sometimes a beautiful body becomes a cage for a beautiful soul and a person may feel as though their only value lies in how they look. This is as sad a place as being fat and depressed. My own mother died from a combination of things - one being anorexia.

Right now I am working on winning a modelling / fashion competition on Fashion Hero so that I can be a beacon of light to those who are stuck in despair. It's my purpose to help people shed their fat and insecurities and bring out the beauty from within themselves. I wake up excited every morning to talk to my clients, my friends. I love watching the transformation.

My other interests are writing and imagining. I dream about the future. I want it to be beautiful, clean, green and thriving. I dream of solar panelled buildings, cities of gardens, happy children and loving adults living peaceful lives of self expression and creativity. I'm a scientist at heart and I've studied the environment at length, achieving my diploma in Environmental Science Tech in 2008. I studied the advanced earth course in Permaculture and Earth Friendly building techniques. I love looking at cool, home built houses and can't wait to build my own someday soon. I grow a garden every year of vegetables,herbs and fruit and I feel very fortunate to live in a place where that is possible. There is nothing quite like sweet cherries fresh from the tree - or the smell of a garden grown tomato.

Some people would say that I'm an eclectic mix of many things. I give credit to the way my past sufferings have dug space into my heart and soul for more love and creativity to grow. I love to explore with my family - going up in the mountains to pick berries or just ride dirt bikes up to the top to see the view. I also started a charity to help families of other children that are dying from the same disease my daughter died from - and I often travel to their homes and teach them how to care for their little ones.

What do you love? If you find yourself in a place where you don't know, the world is tedious and you are lost in a sea of grey and nothing is fun or exciting - then something is wrong. Your light inside is being smothered - maybe you need someone to help you shed the layers of grime and pain our culture has put upon you. Maybe it's time for you to decide to be interested in YOURSELF!

Friend me on Facebook and let's bring out your light!

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