Spark plugs and aluminum chips

Well, it's been quite a day.  Anaya has been having a blessedly awesome day with her secretion management, but my heart is aching.  I feel down today.  I miss my older daughter Solara.  Her smile and radiant love have always been there to cheer me up.  Today she is hundreds of miles away with her papa in Calgary Alberta.  She's doing well, and she's happy.  I just miss her and I just want to wrap my arms around her and hold her.  Solara has been so strong these past few weeks.  We talk to her everyday, sometimes twice a day.  I put her on speaker phone so that she can talk to Anaya.  Sometimes Anaya responds with her little "I love you" sighs.  Sometimes she just grunts a bit...but hey!  What's a grunt between sisters?

I've been trying all day to think of a way we can get back on the road. Today it seems as though our fundraising efforts are stagnating.  Everyone I know has helped us out.  I've been spending hours on the computer, holding Anaya, and typing with one hand - trying to spread our links through the internet.  Trying to reach more people.  I think every member of The Anaya Initiative wrote into the Ellen show - but I have heard no response.  My pastor (Jim at Kootenay Christian Fellowship) has had lots of calls from Salem residents who want to know if we are "for real".  It seems as though these people are very skeptical of Anaya's condition, and our love for her.  Jim told me he assured them that he's known us for a while and yes, Anaya's sick and yes, we are for real.

I placed calls to the local children's hospitals and left messages for the seminar coordinators about bringing Anaya in and speaking about her disease to educate anyone who wanted to listen, but as of yet I have not heard back.  We had someone from a hospital called St. Judes offer to hospitalize and care for Anaya - and that's the furthest thing from what we want, although the offer was generous and appreciated.  A well spoken man named Troy called me, said he was a citizen of Salem and questioned me for half an hour on my integrity and faith.  He said he was considering helping us and that he was going to come and visit.  But then he never called back, and he didn't come visit. I was deeply saddened that he didn't come by to speak with us in person.

I'm positive 95% of the time.  I guess right now is that other 5%.  A fellow came by today, he's mechanicly inclined.  He managed to get Anguard's engine turned over and running ( what awful racket.)  There is such loud knocking coming from the engine you have to yell to be heard over top of it.  He did some investigating and found chunks of aluminum had actually been pounded off of one of the pistons.  He said it's likely because a valve stuck open and the piston was pounding against it.  He pulled the spark plugs out and the one was pushed shut.  There's supposed to be a gap in a spark plug. Heck, I was just suprised that he had the thing running.  We were told it would never run again.  I've got the chunks of aluminum that he pulled off in a ziplock bag.  Those are engine pieces.  Unbelievable.   He said that although he got it "running" it's not driveable. At least one of the cylinders has piston and valve damage that could cause another blow out at any time.  Those pieces of aluminum got stuck and stopped the engine when we broke down the first time.  As the piston wears away more chunks will fall off and the same thing will happen again.  We might make it 5 ft or 500 or even a few miles, but there is no way that Anguard will ever be reliable and safe.

For the second time we've had an engine replacement estimate ($12,000-$15,000) and for the second time we've been told it's not worth it.  They said we'd be better off taking that money and putting into something else.
 
We are flat out stuck.
But we are stuck in a place where we've been surrounded by love and support.  So many people have been so kind.  I even got a card from a woman who sent her love and prayers and a $1 bill.  That meant so much to me.  Obviously this woman doesn't have much to spare...but she cared enough to send what she could.  Later, I cried thinking about that old woman, wishing there was something I could do for Anaya that would make her better.  Wishing I could meet the dollar bill woman and find out more about her life.

There's a reason we are here.  Already we have touched the lives of a few, and Anaya has spread her baby love and lessons like seeds on the wind.

Brent is making dinner and Anaya is wide awake.  I'm going to try to shake off this dreary feeling and put on some music and dance with Anaya.

We're all on the right side of the ground, after all.