Saturday, July 23, 2011

Learning Compassion from HATERS

Wow readers...check out this comment I got on my last post.  


"It is extremely rude and ignorant of you to push Solara away the way you do. The poor child has repeatedly come to you saying she needs to be held and cuddled at night and you tell her no! that her sister is more important. Anaya isn't going to miss one night if you give the time to Solara. Anaya is nothing more than a child living in a vegetative state. Solara is a living being who suffering because of your insistence to keep Anaya going as long as you can. If you honestly think Solara won't resent you later in life its time to give your head a shake. She was better off living with her father where she got more attention and love."


I assume this is the same anonymous commenter who leaves me other hateful comments.  I'm not certain why this person continues to read the blog.  It seems to me that they feed themselves with angst and bitterness.  


Anaya is most definitely more than a child living in a vegetative state.  You've obviously not been around her much, if at all.


Solara is loved and is not suffering She is almost finished her visit here and is then going to stay with her father who has more time and less stresses in his life.  


I think the real issue here is that the anonymous commenter is full of pain and emptiness.  What has your life done to you to cause you to be such a hurtful person?  Are you childless and alone?  Do you have too much money and not enough love?  There's something there...you obviously aren't a mother.  No loving mother abandons their sick baby when they need them.


When the time comes for you to die.  I pray that you will be with the comfort of someone who loves and cherishes you.  I pray this for you because I forgive you and I hope that something wonderful will happen to you in life that will break through your icy shell. 


Your comment made me smile and chuckle to myself. It reminded me how different we all are.  I used to think that severely disabled people should not be allowed to live because they are unproductive.  Since then I've come to realize that each and every living thing has a right to live a life...just for the sake of experiencing life.  Experiencing BEING ALIVE.  I admit I was wrong.  The way I see the world now is so far from the level that you're on that your words most certainly don't wound me.


I suggest you read some spiritual books.  If I were you I'd start with The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.  It's only a few thousand years old.  Maybe the Bible too.  Jesus loved lepers, prostitutes and sick people.  He taught that it is wrong to hoard wealth and to lord over others.  He taught compassion and love.  


I dare you to take a step forward in life by declaring who you are and engaging in decent human communication.  Differences of opinion happen all the time.  Name calling and throwing daggers is for adolescents.  If you are an adult that has any self-worth or confidence you most certainly can state your opinion to me without fear.


Love from my SOUL to YOURS
CAMARA

30 comments:

  1. I think the sheer fact that this poster remains anonymous is a great sign that they know what they are saying is wrong,unkind and unlike the person they want to believe they are.
    Anyone that stands proudly by their statements and opinions earns my respect.
    This person has a way to go.

    Sorry buddy...you've been measured, and you came up lacking.

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  2. Well spoken Camara. much love to you my friend.

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  3. I cried reading this post. And not for what this person said but because you show with your words the magnificent person you are. My first husband suffered brain damaged and I took care of him for a few months before he died. I used to pray, "I don't care how just let him be next to me." A person deserves to live no matter their condition but most importantly deserves to be loved unconditionally. When I saw your posting about Solara, I understood. How can you think of anything else when the life of a loved one depends on every decision you make.
    Of course, Solara needs you like any other child in the world wishes to be Mommy's center of attention. You'll have a lifetime to make up and she learn a valuable lesson. Solara would learn that her mother would give her energy, her blood, her entire being for her just the same if she ever needed to.

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  4. I think what was said about Anaya was not right at all, but I have to admit that I have also felt really sad for Solara when reading your blog.
    A girl needs her mother. A father too of course, but more than anything she needs you. Her Mother. The fact that she's reached out and been turned away brings tears to my eyes. My husband and I share our bed with our 15 month old who takes up loads of room, and even our dog. We can't turn either away in order to get a better sleep, we would rather have the love and cuddles.
    Sadly, one day beautiful Anaya will leave this world for a better place. Do you think that your bond with Solara will be strong enough to push you through the loss?! I worry for the both of you, and pray for you daily.

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  5. Keep your head held high and continue to love and care for both of your children--just as you are doing! It is hard to juggle the responsibilities of being a parent- especially when you have a child that needs you so much. I have 3 sons (1 w/leukodystrophy). I tell and show all of my children how much I love them. There is not a day that goes by that I don't shower my kids with love. As a parent w/ a special needs child, I think we tend to remember daily to be thankful for our children and not take anything for granted. Just because one child may require extra attention--to live, doesn't mean our other children are neglected! And a child such as Anaya is more of a blessing in our lives than this anoynomus writer will ever understand! Our special children add so much love, compassion, understanding, meaning,fulfillment and humility to our lives (and their siblings lives)that those who aren't so blessed will never experience. We also have more pain and heartache then most will experience in their life time as well.Mean comments won't affect us, we know what is important and that surely isn't! I hope this anynomous writer moves on and doesn't try to be hurtful to others anymore. I'm glad you are not taking it personal! I appreciate your updates on Anaya!
    Ryders Mama

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  6. Keep your head held high and continue to love and care for both of your children--just as you are doing! It is hard to juggle the responsibilities of being a parent- especially when you have a child that needs you so much. I have 3 sons (1 w/leukodystrophy). I tell and show all of my children how much I love them. There is not a day that goes by that I don't shower my kids with love. As a parent w/ a special needs child, I think we tend to remember daily to be thankful for our children and not take anything for granted. Just because one child may require extra attention--to live, doesn't mean our other children are neglected! And a child such as Anaya is more of a blessing in our lives than this anoynomus writer will ever understand! Our special children add so much love, compassion, understanding, meaning,fulfillment and humility to our lives (and their siblings lives)that those who aren't so blessed will never experience. We also have more pain and heartache then most will experience in their life time as well.Mean comments won't affect us, we know what is important and that surely isn't! I hope this anynomous writer moves on and doesn't try to be hurtful to others anymore. I'm glad you are not taking it personal! I appreciate your updates on Anaya!
    Ryders Mama

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  7. Oh, my eyes are leaking. My heart is breaking. It's not right. You have opened yourself up, and this person insists on sticking you right in the heart. As another mother of a very sick baby, I understand the change of perspective on the world, and it's frustrating to see others undermine that. Remember this person does not know you. They know your words, which are a part of you, but not entirely You. Stay strong, momma. Stay YOU!

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  8. for the commenter to say *Anaya is nothing more than a child living in a vegetative state.**** How does this person know Anaya's soul?? You can see in her eyes, she feels........she loves..The commenter is the one who is **extremely rude and ignorant**
    Ignorant meaning in the dictionary is...lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact. Obviously this person has NO knowledge of being a parent. I have 2 healthy children and when one is sick......they have my undivided attention to make him/her comfortable and all my energy is focused on my sick child. My other child is obviously taken care of, but my main focus is on my sick child. Do I love my healthy child any less when my other is sick?? OF COURSE NOT!! Just as I am sure you do not love your healthy child any less than Anaya. But a child with special needs obviously needs more attention and care. I am sorry you are being judged, it is horrible for someone who is not in your possition to cast stones. I give you credit for loving your baby so much that you did not put her away in an institution or give up being a mom as so may others have done. Anaya knows you love her, we see it in her eyes. The love of a child radiates through their eyes from their soul. I see her love for you as do others. I pray that this commenter never has to endure the life you have had to lead. Blessings to you and both your beautiful daughters.

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  9. Camara,

    You are greatly admired and loved for your great love and commitment for your family. People that make anon comments as the one above, are themselves lacking in love.

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  10. I have a strong belief that (most) people dont do things to hurt others on purpose. Maybe instead of focusing on the negative that these people are saying focus on the fact that they feel for Solara.

    As long as you know what they are saying about her not getting the nurturing and cuddles she needs, is not true than just be thankful that they care enough about Solara to show concern.

    Now obviously they shouldnt be saying anything negative about Anaya because she is a wonderful girl too. But I am sure they are just watching out for Solaras best interest!

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  11. What a great mommy you are Camara! I have been following your blog for quite some time...you bring to tears of joy and happiness to me when I read your blog, you inspire me to love my baby more everyday and to be TRUELY thankful for all that God has given me! I love how you live in the presence and are not afraid to admit mistakes, mishaps, and faults. I simply love how you LOVE both of your girls and I continually pray for health, healing, and most a life filled with LOVE!

    Take Care and glad you can stay so strong even when someone else try's to play God's role and God's role only...judging others. May your enemies heart be filled with love, all you can do is pray for their soul!

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  12. Camara, don't even give this stupid, ignorant person another thought! You are so right, it's obviously not a mother, because a mother would have compassion and understanding for what you're going through. You are doing the best that you can, and from where I'm sitting, it looks like you're doing a fabulous job! You have a strength about you, just the way you're so positive, loving, and full of hope, and that's what your girls see from you.

    And as far as that comment about Anaya, too bad the loser is hiding behind an anonymous name and a computer screen like a coward. They better not dare show their face because all of us mamas who support you will whoop their ass!
    (Sorry, it had to be said!)

    Love to you all!

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  13. You've just got to love the anonymous haters! lol They are so full of courage when it comes time to judge others, while they cloak themselves in anonymity! No pride at all. A coward like that doesn't even deserve a reply, or any more of your precious time.

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  14. After watching the video of Anaya having her spa treatment and seeing her respond to you when asked to make her toes dance. It was at that moment that for the first time siince I came across your blog I felt happy for her. Before that I was torn apart thinking she was suffering, now I know she is clearly thriving and happy. Also Solara clearly shows in that video how happy she is To be there for her sister. Had the anonymous poster actually read your last entry they would of understood that it wasn't you Solara was craving, that she is craving spending every moment with her beautiful sister. She just like you wants to give Anaya every bit of her While she is visiting.

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  15. ~what can you say to someone like this?you put it forth very well camara~ this person obviously does not have children~ or she/he would understand~ as far as Anaya being in a vegetative state~i have never met Anaya~but ive seen her little feet and legs move when her sister Solara that loves her so much gave her a footbath~ ive watched anaya have her teeth brushed and know what to do ~ and ive watched her when she "asks " for her suction~ whoever you are~ you mean person phone me ~leave this family alone~ i would love to deal with you~ sharon jesus 250-486-3363 ~if you have the courage to do so~ i think your a scared imp of a person that cannot possibly handle yourself properly~ call me ~i will be waiting and so looking forward to talking with you!

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  16. This anonymous person is obviously a coward. Agree, well spoken Camara.

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  17. Wow this person does not have the right to speak about your family that way. Obviously ignorance is being spoken from them! It's appalling that people say such cruel things. Keep being a great mom to your beautiful girls! We are behind you :)

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  18. Wow! What kind of person would say such things!!
    We sure are all different.

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  19. I couldn't agree more Camara. As a Single mother of a Special needs child I understand. This person obviously is ignorant or as you said not a mother. As Angela said them staying Anonymous just shows how immature they really are. God gave you the Two beautiful girls that he did for a reason. Because he knew that you had enough love in your heart for both and that you could be the Best Mother for Anaya. You are doing a wonderful Job with both of your girls. and I am sure that solara is proud to say that she has such a strong rolemodel and an ADORABLE little sister. Keep up the good work. Remember for every one person who has ignorance you have dozens who are behind you and who Love Anaya like our own.

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  20. Couldn't have said it better myself. What a coward. XOXO to ALL :)

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  21. Clearly this person has nothing better to do with their time.... I am sure that we all can make a list of things for them to do to occupy their time. Personal opinions are one thing, but if you do not agree with people's choices, stop reading the blog and move on with your life... That being said, I hope you and your family know how many people put there love and respect you....

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  22. To the Anonymous poster whom said "My husband and I share our bed with our 15 month old who takes up loads of room, and even our dog. We can't turn either away in order to get a better sleep, we would rather have the love and cuddles:"

    You cannot compare whatever your routine might be to the challenges Camara faces everyday. Unless you too have a child whom needs you to make sure he is breathing on a 24/7 basis, you cannot understand how essential a good night of sleep is.

    I am sure Camara "would rather have the love and cuddles" as well. However, she happens to have other things to consider that take a precedent over that. Until you have walked in her shoes ( which I hope you do not have to), you do not have a clue on what her routine feels like. You cannot comprehend what her needs are, so do not compare your choices in life to hers.

    Julia

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  23. Love the compassion you are capable of exercising Camara! Solara is a 10 year old child who is in a extraordinary state of circumstance. I do not blame her for attempting to sleep with you due to circumstance, however if you were to succumb to her efforts and little 'tests' of will and with Anaya's state of health it could surely lead to other issues for Solara down the road.There are few pre-teens still sleeping with their parents these days, at least I hope. Being a mother takes a great deal of effort to separate what a child NEEDS and what a child WANTS. Sometimes they go hand in hand and sometimes a mother has to be firm in prioritizing what a child needs. I feel you have made some amazing decisions for Solara in respect to what she NEEDS at this point in time. Being with her father more during this duration is great and although decisions on where she sleeps and such may be hard, I feel you are being strong and reasonable for her. If you allowed her what she wants at this point in time could be damaging to her and everyone else. She needs a strong decisive mother who is aware of her NEEDs now and in the long run. It may prove to be another amazing challenge in itself but I think you are making great decisions. As for any resentments she may be trying to exercise I think if you and her father are open about your circumstances on each end he can be an amazing support to you for Solara's benefit whether she is with him or with you. Be strong my beautiful friend and we are always thinking of You,Anaya, Brent and Solara. Love Alan and Eliesha. P.S. Give everyone big hugs from us and Eve.

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  24. Camara,
    I am so glad that you were able to take the words of that poster for what they were worth... not much... not much at all. It is clear that you love both of your children very much, and no doubt it is hard on you not having Solara around all the time right now. You know that there is going to be plenty of one on one time with Solara, and with you as Solara's mom... she is going to be just fine. The only people who know what you are going through and can truly understand it, are people who have been, and are in your shoes... and even then it is not even the exact same. I can say this, when one of my kids are sick or hurt, I most definitely give them my full attention... The fact that this world has such a large spectrum of different personalities... sort of scares me at times. You are an amazing mother, and both of your girls are lucky to have you.

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  25. ~thanks Camara for sharing this unfortunate event of your life with us(the haters) i find it hard to beleive that people can have that kind of reaction also the lady anonymous that said she lets her 15 month old and her dog~well isnt she lucky that her child is healthy~ give your head a shake sister! this situation and every situation is different than yours! it is not up to you to judge~ perhaps your next child may not be healthy and then,just then you might"get it" as to why Camara has to make certain choices! grow up ~ sharon jesus 250-486-3363~im never anonymous~ i will stand up and speak my mind and account for it~not like a coward!

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  26. You have to do what's right for you because you're the one who will forever live with all the what if's if you don't.

    I do see her point about Solara, and it is sad to see her not getting what she needs, because if she did she wouldn't be asking for it. Do you ever do date nights or anything with just her. Where she gets all your attention?

    Lee-Ann

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  27. Solara needs love and attention too. If she is asking for it then her love tank must really be on empty! I hope that you find a way to spend more time with her to fill that love tank back up. Date nights sound like a great idea.

    ~ Shivanna

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  28. your heart is SO full of love camara don't let some unknowing asshole get you down. i think solara just wants to be a part of healing anaya too. it's probably hard for her to see you spend so much time with anaya and not naturally feel some degree of jealousy/resentment. maybe spend a little extra time with just her, tell her how much her strength and understanding helps you deal with lifeand with what is happening to anaya. when anaya goes solara will be what heals you.
    xox heather

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  29. Camara :)

    It is difficult to know exactly what is the right choice and what is the wrong choice.... because of course, there is no true right or wrong. You just have to do what you believe is best for you and your two beautiful girls' lives.

    Each and every single person on this planet has to make their own choices. Sometimes choices are excellent and reap benefits and sometimes choices turn out to learning experiences that could be done better next time. We all have multitudes of each choice in our lives. We ALL make both types of choices.

    Advice can be a great help when given with kindness, compassion and a true expression of one human reaching out to another human. When given with a closed mind and ill will, advice turns to judgement.

    No one has the right to judge another. Unfortunately we all do it as humans. We are beautiful in our un-perfect souls. Despite this similarity in our lack of judgement from our own judgement of others..... it is very sad to see such utter misunderstanding and disrespect coming from one of the blog readers.

    Camara, you know you are doing a wonderful job. You are doing your very best with the energy, resources and love that you have. Kudos to you love for keeping compassion in your heart.

    Hopefully your mis-lead "hater" will one day learn from their choice to judge. Maybe next time they will choose to do better and give you heartfelt advice instead of unkind words :)

    Kim xoxox

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  30. I'm so disheartened by the unkind words left by the anonymous person. I am glad you have shown loving composure for the "hater", how you've chosen to handle the posting and that you have opted to not take it personally.

    It is blatantly obvious that this person is nescient of what you have been doing with Solara throughout the day and he/she is judging your parenting solely on some postings. In addition, it is very surprising that this person would say that Anaya lacks life. It is interesting how this person is selectively choosing to ignore the videos, blogs and readers comments (of those who have met Anaya), which clearly express the life within your sweet love. I do hope that this person has returned to read some of the comments left by you and others and realized the impact of his/her words.

    Camara, you are a loving mother and I know you are always looking out for the best interests of both your beautiful little girls. A well rested Mama is essential to ensuring you're giving your sweethearts "all of you". All my love to you and your two wonderful loves! XOXO

    Jacqueline

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:)